better than before

Ok, so let me inform everyone of what is going on. Yesterday I went to all my classes, did rather well in COM 101 for convincing my class to get tested for HIV/AIDS, although I think I scared the shit out of them more than I did anything else. Classes are going by semi fast. I hate being here. But I must be here so therefore I will be.

Well I do not know how the doc. app. went with my mom as of yet. I believe they went well, at least my hopeful side thinks that. I developed a massive migraine and it was by luck I kept my dinner down and did not ask my roommate to take me to the hospital.

With my head not behaving I didn't get to finish my paper for the draft workshop today so therefore I will be getting a zero for my research paper, no ifs ands or buts about it. So that is 20% of my english grade destroyed. My only hope will be the final. I've got be going in a min. to study my BIO LAB information, as I have a final in there, my LAB being the only thing that will pull up and save my BIO 101 grades besides our last test in there, which is our final.

I'm trying to keep in a good spirit about things, keeping my good, nice, and caring persona on for everyone to see, where as I really don't give a shit about this school anymore. I will miss my friends here, but if I'm to do well I need to go elsewhere with better teaching facilities and better academics in nursing. Well Post later...

wonder....

Sometime these feelings of loneliness take over my thoughts. I know what it is, it where I long for a relationship. I want someone who I can connect with spiritually and emotionally. Maybe it is the side of me that is already wanting to put down roots. But part of me still longs for adventure, to go off to some far away place. I find myself in more thought lately. Wondering what is to come in my life, what will my life in the future be like. Will I have a wife? Will I have a children? Will I make a good husband and father some day? So many questions, but yet, I still want to live, I want to see. I guess this happens when I let my thoughts take over my mind. It has been so long sense I've been in another world, be it by book or by RPG. All around me people have someone to cling too, Justin (roommate) is getting engaged, my friend JD is getting engaged, my friend Matt has a great relationship with his girlfriend Emily. All around me, people are enjoying their relationships. As usual, I am left longing for one. Sometimes I really could careless, but at times like this, I wish for one. I guess God has decided it is still not yet my time for a relationship, I need to grow a little more I guess. Post later....


Craving: cigarette

searching

I've been looking at communities today, while my internet is working. It has been doing its working/not working thing again. I hate the internet here it sucks! Anyway, I've been finding out about alot of people who smoke cigarettes here on campus lately. I've been smoke free for about 2 months now. I'm not addicted it is just that I do enjoy a cigarette from time to time.

My brother got online long enough to check to see how I'm doing today, considering the massive miagrian I got last night. I swear, it felt like my head was going to split open. But it is under control now, just a small pain earlier and I took some medicine for it as well and I don't hurt right now. I've got a SA 202 final tomorrow as well as my health final. Fun stuff. I hate having to work on all this crap, but I have too.

I talked to a girl I'm kinda familiar with a few moments ago in the lobby, she is a really cool girl. She is a good friend.

The caf. food is getting worse I swear, it is so gross. I don't even think I'm eating food anymore!

In other news, I still feel lonely, I guess that is normal for me. I searching for whatever it is that will make me feel whole. I guess God will give that to me in due time. My roommate and I are going to be watching Urban Legends 2. I don't really care much for it, but I'll be leaving in awhile to study for health with a friend from class.

We also rented The Perfect Score which has Scarlett Johansson in it. I am a freak for Scarlett Johansson! The look she has in Lost in Translation she uses once in The Prefect Score and it facinates me. She also smokes cigarettes in lost in translation and the perfect score beautifully, I love it! I know I'm a freak, but you know what? It is better than being normal!

Post later...